Finding Calm in Chaos
A reflection by Gabriel Del Valle
4/11/20234 min read
Finding [and keeping] calm was, and is, a critical skill for me and is rooted in experiences where I would see friends get into less-than-ideal situations for lack of composure. People can, and do, falter under pressure and chaos. No one is immune if enough of either is applied over time. At the same time, the point is not to be a robot, or to ignore stressors around you. To cut yourself off from any kind of pressure or stress is likely not optimal for performance or success. Stress or pressure ARE NOT the enemies. Unchecked stress and pressure, however, can be a problem. They can cause people to react (not respond) in strange ways, and that’s where the ability to stay calm comes into play.
For me, growing up in a city was a perfect training ground to practice staying calm. Cities of a certain size can be pure chaos. Loud noises coming by way of everything from cars honking in stand-still traffic to the homeless man with no arms on one corner yelling about the Second Coming of Jesus while, on the opposite corner, there’s 60-something-year-old violinist with only 3 strings who’s somehow playing the most lovely music cutting through all the noise and filling the few silent moments that might exist. Then there are herds of stampeding people walking here and there, in and out of buildings, while talking on their colleagues or themselves as they prep for that important meeting in 20 minutes. Don’t forget about the bike messengers ringing their bells (or not, which is always fun) weaving in and out of traffic. Then let’s not talk about all the magic of being inside a public bus (SEPTA, for me and for my Tri-State Area folks) where the widest group of people collect to create unforgettable moments and situations. All this and it’s only 8:47am on a Tuesday.
All that chaos can be a lot. That said, one can become used to this frenetic energy and may even find comfort in it. Part of that is simply a familiarity with the surroundings and developing an expectation of the place you call home. Another part of it, though, I think is deeper than just getting used to a place or situation. I think there’s a part of it which is about one’s ability to turn inward and focus on you, your thoughts and being able to tune out the world – even if only for a little while – to selectively ignore some things and highlight other things. It’s kind of like taking pictures with your phone or camera: you can bring certain things into focus while pushing other things into the background.
In the same way for life and for success, there will always be a long list of distractions available to you that can cause chaos. At the same time, there will be only a few things that actually matter. Being able to focus on those things, I find, can bring a sense of calm because you don’t have to be overwhelmed by the 20 things happening around you where you have no control. In this way, I believe that developing the skill of finding calm and being able to remain calm in chaos is helpful, if not multilayered. To stay calm means having good understanding of what’s happening around you (awareness); it means knowing what you want to do or where you’re going (clarity and focus on a goal); it also means knowing what you can and can’t do to get there (understanding what’s in your control). I think people tend to get overwhelmed and lost when they see all the things that CAN or MIGHT happen and get wrapped up in those possibilities.
Taking things back to the hectic city example: if you get caught up on the cars honking, the sleeve-swinging homeless man on the corner, the violinist, the bikers, you could very well trip on a little crack of the sidewalk – this tiny, little thing that was always right in front of you; that could have been avoided if you had pushed the chaos to the background and focused on your walking to take a half-step to the side. That little thing is what trips you up. Yes, there are many distractions available to you. Yes, they are real and are likely worth being cognizant of because a total lack of awareness is the other end of the spectrum. The thing is, chaos is often external to you, and having a way to manage it is important since it’ll always be around in some form whether you like it or not. Maybe it’s not a crazy city. Maybe is people in your life that are chaotic. Maybe it’s a work environment, or a specific project for a given time. Maybe it’s your home or neighborhood. Whatever it is, chaos is not far off, and that’s okay.
We won’t eradicate chaos, but we can make ourselves better at handling and engaging with it. Rather than fighting or getting mad at it, we can learn to embrace it. And by learning to be comfortable with chaos, we can learn to rely on ourselves to find a space internally where we can just take a breath and exist knowing that we’ll make it through this moment. And staying calm can be as simple as that: breathing. Close your eyes and take a deep breathe. Cliche? Maybe. Does it work? Often. Can you get better at it? Definitely!
So embrace chaos when you see or sense it. Appreciate the opportunity to practice being calm. Learn what works for you - whether that's breathing techniques, creating a quiet space for yourself, or something else entirely. Then leverage it as much as you can because it’s likely the case that being calm in chaos is a better version of you than the one who trips over an avoidable crack in the street – no one needs that embarrassment, nor do you want to become a contributing factor in someone else’s chaotic Tuesday morning.