Authenticity
A reflection by Gabriel Del Valle
5/25/20234 min read
Authenticity can be one of those “simple but not easy” things in life. It’s simple in that being authentic is you just being you. It’s not easy, though, because you can find yourself around people or environments that may not resonate with your authentic self, which may cause you to question yourself. Or, in other cases, you may lose yourself in the hustle and bustle of family, work, and other aspects of life.
An important place to start, though, is with understanding what authenticity means to you. For me, I always thought about authenticity as being someone who is generally aligned in mind and action. What I mean is that for me there are two levels of authenticity which flow in and out of each other. It starts with authenticity of my thoughts which lead into authenticity of my actions.
With my thoughts, what I try to think about and contemplate is this: are my thoughts mostly my own, or are they influenced mostly by others? Am I thinking through things with someone else’s filter, or am I thinking with information shaping my ideas; not directing my ideas? I think this is important because in today’s world with so much information and influence coming our way that it can be difficult to know whether your idea about a certain topic is truly yours, or if you have an assumed position that just sticks because that view is so prevalent. With that, “authenticity of mind” is about taking the time, maybe just a moment in some cases, to reflect on what it is that you – as an individual with all your life experiences and knowledge – actually think about something. As mentioned earlier, this then flows into what we’ll call “authenticity of action.”
With my actions, too, what I try to do is be critical of myself and ask: am I acting in a way that’s consistent with my thoughts? Am I following my own rules and applying my ideas and beliefs in a way that aligns with what I believe? Spoiler: not always. And I think it’s a rare person, if one exists at all, who is able to be consistent all of the time across all situations. However, actions are those things that most people in the real world see and is often the biggest indicator of authenticity. What people can and often do notice or pick up on is someone being “fake” or putting up a façade. We’ve all seen or known the person who acts one way with you, another way with the boss, and another way with their employees. With you things are meh, with the boss they are the most polite human in existence, and to their employees they are a terror. This is not an example that an authentic person would want to follow. There is absolutely a time and place to turn the volume up and down on certain personality traits with certain people. That, though, is a different thing than being a different person all together to different people where there’s presumably a specific goal in mind with each group and each interaction.
Rather, the people I’ve noticed as being the most respected, the most genuinely liked, and the least likely to burn bridges are those people who are authentically themselves. They are people that seemingly know themselves and are comfortable with that knowledge. They are people who are aware and confident in their strengths while also acknowledging their weaknesses. They are people who treat others around people around them as real humans and not just an obstacle or opportunity. They come as they and meet people where they are. No pretense, no judgement, no real negativity. And I think this is primarily due to them being comfortable with themselves, which allows their true self to shine through.
Becoming this authentic person is not always the most natural thing for all people. It can be made to look simple enough once someone gets to the point where they know themselves, but to get there – from what I’ve experienced – takes time. It takes experiences, sometimes not great ones, to highlight one’s good and bad traits. It takes role models, both having role models but also being a role model (as additional responsibility can be a good motivator to be on one’s best behavior). It takes purposeful reflection and thoughtfulness to make decisions about who one wants to be. It takes friends, or people close to you, to call you on your bullshit from time to time. It takes… a lot. But inspired by President Kennedy talking about the Space Race, “we do it not because it is easy but because it is hard.” And in doing the hard thing, we’ll realize that being your authentic self is not easy but it’s its own reward, so to speak.
Something I’ve always liked to think is that being authentic is being the real you. And when you’re the real you, you also attract other real people because there’s some shared creed or acknowledgement that not being yourself is less than ideal. It takes a lot of energy to be anyone other than you. It alienates people who might benefit from you. In some cases, it also forgoes or abandons important aspects of yourself – for example, being a Latino means that I bring a cultural sack of perspectives, views, traditions, and ideas rooted in rich history that could easily be thrown away if not careful. In sum, I’ve always liked the quote “real recognizes real,” and being real is so much more fulfilling than trying to fit in somewhere you may not even really want to be.